


Surviving the Crash

by ckksac



Series: What Was Once Unspoken [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Love, Post Episode: s03e23 My Name is Oliver Queen, Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:59:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4022488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckksac/pseuds/ckksac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A news report prompts an emotional outburst from Felicity but reveals a deeper fear inadvertently stirred by the choices Oliver made in Nanda Parbat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surviving the Crash

**Author's Note:**

> I was very surprised that my first part in this series was so well-received. I'm new to this fan fiction business, so thank you for the kudos and notes! I'm still looking for a Beta Reader to review my drafts, so forgive the errors. I tried to catch all the grammar blunders but as with most things, I'm sure several escaped my notice.
> 
> I'm still playing with the use of their names. It seemed more appropriate in this particular story that Felicity's name be used more frequently than Oliver's. Bear with me as I explore this method of writing. It's a new style for me and while I'm not entirely sold on it, I do see the benefits.
> 
> It's also not my intent that each one-shot be filled with such angst. I'm hoping to inject some lightness soon, but this particular conversation, and the conversation in The Absence of Space, were heavy in nature. There was no way it could not be filled with angst. I hope you like how I imagined Oliver and Felicity resolving these particular issues. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading! 
> 
> XOXO

He stepped out of the shower, and froze. It was quiet, too quiet.  He listened intently, hearing only the sound of the surf outside the window.  Not entirely unusual, but at this hour....He had become accustomed to hearing Felicity sing along with whatever music was playing in the background, or the soft tapping of her fingers flying over the keyboard of her tablet. Sometimes it was the occasional swish of the turning page of a book, or the rustle of sheets being thrown over the mattress, her version of making the bed. Whatever it was, he could always hear her.  But right now, it was too quiet. He threw on a pair of shorts and went out to the great room. She wasn’t there. His eyes swept the room, quickly noting that everything was in its place. He looked over at the kitchen and saw her coffee cup on the counter, still full. He wandered over to the counter, and saw her tablet open to a news outlet reporting a story about a private plane crash. He started to move away and then paused. He turned back to her iPad, skimming the story. No survivors. He braced his hands on the counter and looked out over the great room. The patio doors were open, the cool breeze off the ocean bringing in the scent of the sea. He stared out over the beach and saw her at the water’s edge. Walking out onto the patio, he studied her figure. She stood with her arms crossed around her waist, her shirt fluttering in the wind. She stared intently out over the ocean, tense in posture. He looked back at her tablet.

He walked across the stretch of sand and stood beside her, the water cooling the soles of his feet and swirling up towards his knees. Still high tide, he thought. He glanced over at her and then swallowed. She was wearing his shirt from last night with only a pair of bikini bottoms. The bright blue bottoms winked at him as the breeze pushed the tail ends of his shirt behind her, exposing her tanned stomach and the underside of her bare breasts. His hand twitched with the need to undo the two buttons holding the shirt together, to touch the warmth of her skin, but he forced himself to remain still.

“Felicity,” he said and waited. A strand of hair whipped across her face yet she didn’t move. He gave her time, staring at her as she stared at the ocean. Suddenly, she sighed, and impatiently swept her hair from her eyes.

“It’s random how these emotions just come spilling to the surface, isn’t it? Little things causing a sudden rush of anger or fear. I mean, there I am, just about to savor my first of coffee, remembering how I savored the taste of you moments before and suddenly feeling like I needed to go join you in the shower and marveling how I have never experienced such, I don’t know…Completion? Satisfaction?.....before in my life, not that I haven’t enjoyed sex, but I just seem to enjoy sex so much more with you and my mind just goes places……” She stops herself and he can see her mentally counting backwards from three. He fights back a smile.

“Don’t you dare crack a smile, Oliver. I’m so furious with you right now. And I know it’s ridiculous and unjustified. I know it’s in the past and that it’s over…..that it shouldn’t matter. Because here you are. Not dead. But it does matter. Right now.”

“Felicity…” he started but she cut him off. She turned to him, hands on her hips.

“You planned to kill yourself on that plane, Oliver! So don’t you ‘Felicity’ me. You were prepared to die knowing that I, that John, was angry and confused. You were prepared to die knowing we felt betrayed and that by dying you would leave, oh, A MOUNTAIN, of unanswered questions…..that you thought Malcolm Merlyn could answer?? Once again, YOU decided how to protect us. Once again, YOU made choices for us. Once again, YOU decided that sacrificing your life was the only way to stop Ra’s.” She was yelling now, emotions suppressed since that night she realized he planned his death quickly rising to the surface.

“You were totally fine with dying. Did you even think what your death would do to John and me? Did you even think about Thea?” Her eyes snapped in fury at him, the blue darkened by her emotions. Waves crashed on the shore, keeping tempo with her anger. She breathed heavily, staring at him. He met her gaze evenly, waiting.

“There is always another way, Oliver. Always. How many times do we have to go there before you realize that there is always another way?” She took a step closer, and poked him in the chest with her finger.

“We are a team,” poke, “A TEAM!” _Poke_. “We are your partners, your friends. I don’t care what intel someone else can provide. You. Tell. Us. First.” Poke, _poke_ , **_poke_**. “Did you ever think that together, _as a team_ , we may have found another way that, oh, I don’t know, didn’t involve you dying?” Her cheeks were flushed, and her chest heaved with emotion. She wanted to cry as he stared so calmly back at her. She knew she was being unfair.  What was done was done. She could not change the past or the choices Oliver had made in an effort to save them all.  And she knew that this rush of emotion, this unwarranted anger, was more about her than it was about him. Logically, she knew she was simply using those choices as a catalyst to lash out, to try and cover her fear of losing him.  Emotionally, she could not stop it no matter how hard her mind was telling her to stop.  The wind tangled her hair, as water crashed against her legs, the surf breaking just in front of them. She felt the sea spray on her face, tangling her hair further. She licked the spray of salt off her lips and watched as his gaze zeroed in on her mouth, his eyes darkening in that way that never failed to make her insides quiver.  The idea of never feeling him touch her caused her heart to flutter in panic.

“Why do you always think the best way involves you leaving me?” Her voice broke on her last words. His eyes flew to her hers in surprise. The hurt was there for him to see, plainly etched on her face.

 _Why do you always think the best way involves leaving me?_ Her words echoed in his mind, and in that instant, that very instant, he realized that this moment had nothing to do with broken trusts, friendships or his reliance on Malcolm. It was about her. It was about choices being made for her and not with her. About the men in her life that left her. That walked away from her without explanation. It was about being abandoned by her father, someone who was supposed to love her. It was about Cooper, who pretended to be dead and then came back from the dead to hurt her...to use her. It was about him, pushing her away, yet telling her he loved her. It was about him, accepting her love yet preparing to die, knowing that it would leave her with so many unanswered questions about what was real and what was not. It was about her being a woman he loved.

He could no longer deny the damage his deception had created with those relationships that were most important to him. This journey they were taking together was as much as getting to know each other as it was mending those breaches that he thought he would never have the opportunity to mend. It was painful, yet necessary. Their relationship had been built on mutual respect and trust. And while it began with deception as he hid from her his secret identity, it evolved from the moment she joined him on his crusade. They did not leave things unsaid. This moment, right now, mattered.

“If there is one thing that this past year has taught me, is that I do not want to be alone. I want to love and be loved. I want to embrace this person that I’ve become and everything that comes along with it. I am becoming a better man and that, in part, has a great deal to do with you. With the lessons you’ve taught me - your zest for life, for love, and your determination to enjoy what is in front of you for every single moment you have.” His eyes blazed with the intensity of his words. He grasped her arms and brought her closer.

“Do not think for one moment that pushing you away was easy. On a long list of hard, not to mention stupid, choices I made this year, it’s on there. Way up there. There were times that I changed my mind and found myself heading your way. And always, I backed away. I backed away because of me, my own fears. It was never because of you. You were the one thing that was right in my life. The one thing that was bright and so full of life.  I could not see what was right in front of me.  But even though we were not together, I was fighting for you….for us. I just did not realize it. It wasn’t until that last moment, fighting Ra’s and knowing that the only way for any of us to survive was for me to live and him to die, that I finally understood. And with your words in my heart, I fought to live.” He cupped her face in his hands, bringing them closer.

“I can't promise that I won’t leave you. But I can promise you that I would never leave you by my own choice.” He searched her eyes intently.  She stared up at him and knew that he understood. His words and the emotion spilling from his eyes conveying all that needed to be said.  She nodded and in the next moment, he closed the remaining distance between them.  Molding his mouth to hers, Oliver poured everything he had into that one kiss. She tasted the salt of the ocean on his lips, felt the depth of his love in the gentle way he held her face, and knew that her fears were unfounded and while the past often does not like to so easily let go, there were some forces that it could not defeat. They were one of those forces.

He broke the kiss, hugging her tight to him, his hand slipping under her shirt, lying warmly on her back.  She pressed a kiss to his shoulder and then to the scar of the bullet wound that had brought them together.  Another wave crashed near them, the water swirling higher on their legs.  As one, they turned back towards the house, arms wrapped around each other’s waists.

“Felicity?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Do you think maybe you could not read any more news reports? For at least a few days?” She looked up at him, puzzled and then laughed. She hugged him tightly with one arm, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“Felicity?”

“Hmmm?”

“That shirt has been driving me nuts since I walked out here.” She felt his hand graze the underside of her breasts. She pulled away and walked ahead of him, unbuttoning her shirt as she went. She let it fall from her shoulders and Oliver watched as it fluttered to the ground. She smiled at him over her shoulder, and his body tightened. The long line of her back, the smooth, sun-kissed skin, beckoned to him. Unable to resist, he trailed a finger down her spine. He just barely heard the small sound she made in response to his touch. It was enough. Sweeping her into his arms, he carried her inside.


End file.
